Daily Archives: April 20, 2013

A Dogably PAWfect Day #90 – Dear God…

Dear God, It’s me, the Dog

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Dear God: Is it on purpose that our names are the same, only reversed?

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Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

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Dear God: When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or will it be the same old story?

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Dear God: Why are their cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a Dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We love a nice car ride! Would it be so hard to rename the ‘Chrysler Eagle’ the ‘Chrysler Beagle’?

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Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad Dog?

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Dear God: We Dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

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Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

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Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

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Dear God: Here is a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog:
1. I will not eat the cat’s food before he eats it or after he throws it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a ‘face towel’.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is an unacceptable way of saying ‘hello’.
8. I don’t need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m under the coffee table.
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house – not after.
10. I will not come in from outside, and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room, and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a ‘squeaky toy’, so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing.

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P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven, may I have my testicles back?